Samantha: the blog

I feel like I have a lot I need to say, but none of it is important or profound enough to write down. Or possibly, it just plain doesn't make sense. I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings in the last little bit and I'm trying to sort them out.
My life feels like a blur at the moment. It's hard to distinguish one day from the next. Nothing happens that is memorable enough for me to discern it from the events of the previous day. Days are zooming by, and yet they seem to be dragging.
I feel like my life consists of sleeping and working. I feel like I have nothing to dread or look forward to. I have no plans, no events to engage in, no getaways to anticipate. I just sort of am.
I exist, but that seems to be about it right now. Everyday is like the one before and will be like the one that follows. It's hard to get joy out of a life that seems routine and monotonous.
I do have things to look forward to, but they seem so far in the future that starting to think about them now just seems silly.
I've been trying to add flavor to my life. I've been trying to make plans and set goals and have something to accomplish. But it seems that everything just falls through. Things don't work out, people bail on you, not enough time, not enough money.
And I know thats life, but when your life becomes this humdrum, day to day routine, not being able to change it even when you want to becomes frustrating and discouraging.
I start to wonder...will my life always be like this? Wanting to make things happen that are just not meant to be?