June 22, 2006

Katharine McPhee-Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

June 15, 2006

Times sure change quickly. When I was younger, my idea of a good time was pretty uncompli- cated. Climbing trees, making forts in the backyard, jumping on the trampoline, kiddie rides at Lagoon....
Things were much more simple back then. The biggest stresses in my life were missing cartoons or being sent to my room because I didn't wash the dishes.
School was a walk, so I didn't really ever have to worry about that. My basic objective in life was to do whatever I needed to get Mom off my back, and then play the day away.
Sounds pretty typical kid right?
And of course, like all kids, you can't wait to grow up. You want to be able to do all the cool stuff adults do. You like the freedom of being little, but you don't want to be a kid anymore.
You want people to treat you older, with respect. You want to drive, to have money, to do whatever you want without people telling you what to do.
But, you don't want the obligatory responsibilities that come along with all the grown-up perks. It's sort of a conundrum. Most people are left wanting the best of both worlds.
I admit, I fall into that category. I feel like I'm at the age where you're stuck in the middle of both. I still have opportunities to play and still be a kid, but I also have responsibilties that I don't always want.
I still have fun, but life isn't as carefree as it used to be.
I miss the days when on any given Saturday, you'd know I'd have spent the whole morning watching cartoons. It makes me sad to know that those days are over.

Part of me doesn't want to grow up. Like on Peter Pan. I want to stay a kid forever.
I remember the day when I was too tall to ride the little blue boats at Lagoon.
I cried. I loved that ride.
But I must admit, I don't think I'd get quite the same thrill out of riding those boats as I used to. Now days I need a real boat. Speed, adrenaline, grown-up fun.
Now my kind of adventures are waterskiing and trying out the Skycoaster at Lagoon. (I did it for the first time last Saturday! What a thrill!)
I suppose all I can do is just make the most of it. I can't slow time, I can't stop the clock. I might as well enjoy life as it comes, taking the good and the bad.
Ya, I might have to hold down a job and do things that I just don't want to, but at least I know that a good boating trip is just around the corner.

June 12, 2006

There are probably several different ways to define a love/hate relationship. Usually when I think of a love/hate relationship, I think of something that I love, but I hate that I love it.
Like ice cream. I think I can honestly say I love ice cream more than most people. It's so delectably delicious. It's possible that I could eat ice cream for every meal of the day.
But of course with all the pleasure my tastebuds receive, there are also some nasty side effects. Calories, for example. If God was going to create something that tasted so good, why would He make it so deadly to swimsuit season?? It's just not fair.
But recently, I experienced a new kind of love/hate relationship.
Taco Bell. You know, think outside the bun?? Talking chihuahuas?? Yes, thats the one.
Until recently, I would have listed Taco Bell as one of my top fast food joints. However that is no longer the case.
So this love/hate relationship could probably most accurately be described as something I used to love, but now, quite fervently, hate.
Whenever I dine at this particular restaurant, I usually order two of three different menu items.
Supreme Chalupa
Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco
Spicy Chicken Burrito
These choices have always treated me well. However, on my last Taco Bell encounter, that was not the case.
I made a routine lunchtime stop at the Taco Bell in Centerville. I ordered my usual, Supreme Chalupa and Spicy Chicken Burrito.
Not only was our service horrible, the food was cold and hard. Gross.
I was able to choke it down and thought that would be the end of that meal.
Oh no. After a visit to the Walmart bathroom and another one to the side of the road, I was finally rid of that horrid meal.
When I think about it, I'm very saddened by the whole ordeal. I really liked Taco Bell, but now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to eat there again.
So I guess this relationship will have to be defined as something I love, but I sure hate what they did to me.

June 07, 2006

Here's me with my hot boyfriend Chris. Ok, boyfriend doesn't quite apply anymore...seeing as he now lives a thousand miles away.
Today is exactly 39 days since he moved away and it hasn't exactly been the easiest 39 days of my life.
When I think about it, I go
"Wow, 39 days already?"
And then when I think about it some more, I go
"Only 39 days? It feels like a year since I saw him last."
And boy, do I miss him. Chris was my first real serious relationship. I dated him for about 6 months, and then he had to leave.
I still get mad thinking about it. It's not fair. We didn't get a fair chance to see how things would work between us.
We just didn't have enough time. Things were going great, but we weren't able to see how far we could have gone together.
I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. I've sort of decided that I don't really feel very bad for people who get dumped. At least they can go away hating the other person. Not exactly pleasant, but at least they're not longing for the other person, knowing they want you too. Wondering what could have been, but knowing you will never find out.
Really, the only I comfort I get is to just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be or if it is meant to be, it will all work out. I guess I just have to remember all the good times we had, learn from the bad, and move on.

And I am. Moving on I mean. At least I'm trying my best to do so. I've been dating someone else and its going pretty good. I'm working and hanging out with friends, trying to stay distracted. But there's still not a day that goes by that I don't think about Chris. Just wishing I could see him again.
I get so angry when I think about that all we went through together. Knowing that there's not many people outside of family who know me as intimately as he does. He's been there with me through great times. But also supported me through the lowest of lows. He's seen the worst sides of me, but still stuck by me.
I feel like I had so much invested in our relationship, only to have it ripped away. It makes me want to shake my fists at the heavens and scream.
I guess all I can do is borrow a phrase I learned from Scotty.
Let go and let God.

June 03, 2006

Let me just start by saying thanks to everyone for another great Alchemist weekend!! I learned some great stuff, got triggered like no kidding, and after last night will never look at Jan and Lil the same ever again. (Rock on skinny dippers!!)
But seriously, that whole princess thing hit me hard and got me to thinking. I do not want to claim the fact that I run that energy, which is kind of sad. But its those darn princess grungies that I don't want to admit are mine! Yet there is no denying that I am one, so I might as well admit it and get it over with. So I'm gonna say it loud and proud. I AM A PRINCESS!!
(I'll deal with those grungy issues later...)

So now that I'm starting to sit down and actually share my thoughts here, I'm realizing how much I have to say. I don't know how to sort it all out. I feel like if I allowed it, everything would just spill out and this post would take 2 hours to read. There are so many things going on that I feel like I need to talk about. Family, job, boys, friends, etc.
I don't even know where to start. It's starting to feel overwhelming a little. I really have some issues I need to get off my chest, but I want to do it the right way for me. Most of these things have long stories and explanations
I guess I'll just have to take it one thing at a time and slowly chip away at my huge pile of stuff. So forgive me if I talk about things no one cares about. This is just my own form of personal therapy.

June 01, 2006

Here Goes!!

K everyone, this is the official start of my blog. Drumroll please..........Ta Da!!!!
I've never really understood why people were into the whole blogging thing before, but I think I finally get it. This will be a great way for me to share some of my thoughts, blow off some steam, and most importantly, have something to do when I'm bored at work. Haha.
Anyways, I noticed that some of my Alchemist family has their own blogs and I've decided I want to join in on the fun. I hate to be left out! So everyone, feel free to post your comments, questions, concerns, whatever. I'd love to hear from you.
I've always gone through phases where I get way into my journaling. It's a good release for me. I get in frenzys where I can't write fast enough to get all the thoughts out of my head. But those journals were always secret. Thoughts that no one was ever allowed to see. Secrets and shames. But today, I'm changing all that. No more hiding. From now one, I'm an open book.
So, here we go.
K everyone, I'm so excited for Alchemists tomorrow!!! Can't wait to see you all.