Samantha: the blog

Here's me with my hot boyfriend Chris. Ok, boyfriend doesn't quite apply anymore...seeing as he now lives a thousand miles away.
Today is exactly 39 days since he moved away and it hasn't exactly been the easiest 39 days of my life.
When I think about it, I go
"Wow, 39 days already?"
And then when I think about it some more, I go
"Only 39 days? It feels like a year since I saw him last."
And boy, do I miss him. Chris was my first real serious relationship. I dated him for about 6 months, and then he had to leave.
I still get mad thinking about it. It's not fair. We didn't get a fair chance to see how things would work between us.
We just didn't have enough time. Things were going great, but we weren't able to see how far we could have gone together.
I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. I've sort of decided that I don't really feel very bad for people who get dumped. At least they can go away hating the other person. Not exactly pleasant, but at least they're not longing for the other person, knowing they want you too. Wondering what could have been, but knowing you will never find out.
Really, the only I comfort I get is to just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be or if it is meant to be, it will all work out. I guess I just have to remember all the good times we had, learn from the bad, and move on.

And I am. Moving on I mean. At least I'm trying my best to do so. I've been dating someone else and its going pretty good. I'm working and hanging out with friends, trying to stay distracted. But there's still not a day that goes by that I don't think about Chris. Just wishing I could see him again.
I get so angry when I think about that all we went through together. Knowing that there's not many people outside of family who know me as intimately as he does. He's been there with me through great times. But also supported me through the lowest of lows. He's seen the worst sides of me, but still stuck by me.
I feel like I had so much invested in our relationship, only to have it ripped away. It makes me want to shake my fists at the heavens and scream.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN THIS WAY?!?! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
I guess all I can do is borrow a phrase I learned from Scotty.
Let go and let God.