You know the day should be over when the world starts looking like this.

Two and a half hours of work left to go and I'm fading fast....
I need something exciting to wake me up. Like a shooting or a robbery or a wild animal on the rampage.
Let's see how creative I can get.
Someone reports a suspicious vehicle. It's a black armored car that has been destroyed. It's only recognizeable as a twisted scrap of metal. It turns out the car belongs to the Secret Service. The President is missing and all his bodyguards have suffered horrible, painful, traumatizing deaths. There are body parts strewn on the streets and stray dogs are tearing them apart, mercilessly destroying the crime scene and any usable evidence.
What do you do?
I'm taking it upon myself to hold a contest. Who ever can come up with the most creative, interesting, and neatest explanation for this puzzling dilema shall win a prize. Prize shall be determined at my discretion on a later date.
Happy crime solving!

I find it sad that I have nothing to say. I'm a total blank. Empty.
My poor blog has been forsaken. I'm sorry blog. Please forgive me.
I guess stuff has happened to me...
I finished my new season of ER. It was fabulous, but I'm left feeling anxious because I want the next season. NOW!
(For explanation of anxiety, click here.)
I went to Rocky Point Haunted House with Melissa and Hollie.
Almost died. Okay not really. Just almost peed my pants. Had to use a port-a-potty. Gross. I don't remember the last time I actually resorted to one of those things.
Went and saw World Trade Center. It was interesting. Worth seeing I guess, but its not how I would have made the movie.
Worked on the wedding book I'm making for my cousin. I'm getting so good at Photoshop!
Gave in and broke out the winter coat and all my cute scarfs. If I'm gonna be cold, I'm at least gonna look cute doing it. But that in no way means that I will be happy about it either. (Shiver.)
Melissa, Jesica, and I have been having quite the adventures for the past couple weeks. But as of right now, I'm having a hard time recalling those adventures. All I can pick out of my blurry memories is lots of loud, annoying laughter and IHOP hashbrowns.

SONG OF THE WEEK
Hinder-Lips Of An Angel

I feel so out of touch.
Uneducated. Ignorant. Naive.
I typically consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but after today, I'm questioning everything I ever knew.
Ok, back up. Let's start from the beginning.
As of last week, I am officially finished with training and am now a full-time employee for the City of Orem Department of Public Safety.
(And there was much rejoicing...)
So with this newly earned title comes a few perks. Most importantly, a raise! And I also pass into the adult world with the added responsibilty of knowing and understanding the complex and confusing world that is benefits.
Now, seeing the fact that I am only 20 years old, I have never given much thought to health insurance and/or retirement accounts.
Insurance? Already have it, thanks Dad. Retirement? Not for a loooong time. Not worrying about it right now.
But today, I had to worry.
Before I can even blink I'm suddenly having to make decisions about 401(k) and 457 plans and International stock fund growth and deferred compensation and deductibles and premiums and...(sigh)
I'm really glad I talked a little bit about this stuff with Dad last night, or else it would have been completely over my head instead of just mostly over my head.
I know, I know...I'm supposed to learn this stuff. But honstly. In my perfect world, I will transition smoothly into the loving, knowledgeable hands of my husband who will be more than willing to handle all the insurance, taxes, loans, and financial nonsense that I have no patience for. It'll be great.

Not such a bright idea.
Changing a really old lightbulb with bare hands.
You know, the kind that is so corroded and rusty, you can't pull it out with pliers let alone your fingers?
Ya. Don't do that.
I went to be a tough, do-it-myself, fix-er-upper last night and change the burnt out turn signal light on my car.
Needless to say, I spent the night picking glass shards out of my fingers and trying to sweep the rest of them off the garage floor.
Not fun.

Goll, what a freaking rollercoaster.
The past week feels like a year. And all these days are so different! Usually my life is either leaning one way or the other. Everything's going great or everything just sucks.
But my hell.
Ups, downs, ins, outs, smiles, frowns, laughs, crys...
I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. All the energy shifts are just exhausting.

Great weekend at Alchemists.
Always love it.
Not so great squabble with my mother.
Never fun.
Great night out with the girlfriends.
Love you Jes and Mel.
Not so great discovery about my baby brother.
Still love you Tay.
Having such good friends to back me up.
I'm loved.
Being in a situation where I need to be backed up.
Damn.

This is just brutal. I feel like I'm stretched thin and if something else heavy comes along, I'm going to rip.
I'll be okay though. I better be.
Thanks for the great advice Scotty. Let God take care of everything and just love the hell out of him.

SONG OF THE WEEK
Good Charlotte-Hold On

Reframe.
This is going to be my goal for the month. I realize that there's a more than likely chance that what I'm intending is not achievable in just a month, but I've got to start somewhere. I can at least say this: I'm going to work hard on it this month.
I want to start from scratch. Reframe my whole way of thinking; my whole way of living. I no longer will settle for a negative. antagonistic, pessimistic, depressed, hopeless life
I want to replace bad thoughts with good thoughts.
I want to replace bad memories with good memories.
I want to replace bad days with good days.
This will take some work for me, but I believe in myself. I'm expecting a miracle and I will get it.

I live an impatient life.
This is not a new development, but I've been deep in thought about it lately.
I'm not one of those super busy people who is constantly running around in circles, picking up the kids, going grocery shopping, cleaning the house, making dinner...
My life is pretty routine. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. On my days off, I like to sleep in a bit, but I usually don't have big plans of how I'm going to make my day super productive. I typically do whatever I feel like doing. That may or may not be anything productive or useful.
I think my sense of urgency is more of an internal thing. I want everything now and I don't want to wait around.
If I find something I want at the store, I don't waste time shopping around. What? I could get a better deal somewhere else? Not important.
Picture this. I get a brilliant idea. Maybe its something creative, maybe I want to make something, maybe its nothing brilliant at all. Do I wait until the next time I go to the store? No. I drop everything I'm doing, (usually not much), and take a trip down to the store.
What's that you say? It's 11:30 at night? Does that stop me? I think not.
Long term goals are hard for me. Four years of college? Who has time for that?
Thinking about the future? What about now?
I guess I'm just weird.

MORE FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP
So iPod commercial worthy...if I do say so myself.

I'm feeling a little blue today and I'm not sure why. I've been doing really good for awhile, which is sadly unusual for me. But I'm not complaining. More ups than downs is rather nice. I think I'll keep it up.
But the downs were bound to catch up with me sooner or later.
I really get irritated when I feel sad for no good reason. But I just do. I just get sad sometimes. I'm working on it though.
I think deep down, I have an idea as to why I'm feeling this way, but there's a 94.6% chance that it's irrational thinking, so I don't want to voice it aloud. It might make it seem more real that way and I really don't want it to.
Then I would just be reaffirming my negative, guilty, selfish thinking. I've been working hard to do away with that.
I need to push away all my sad, wallowing, misunderstood, self-pitying nonsense that I've believed for far too long.
I'm being positive! I'm being confident! I am the creator of my life!
I feel cheered up already.
I've been taking a Photoshop class and I'm having fun playing with all the different things I've learned. I think that might become my new emergency, make-me-happy, feel-good activity.

Instant Karma- 8,879 ways to give yourself and others good fortune right now.
Sounds good to me.
Here's a shout out to Courtney and Bert for hooking me up with such a cool wedding shower door prize.
So here's some good fortune for right now.

*On a gloomy day, put sunny yellow napkins on the table
*Believe that the best is yet to be
*Put something extra in someone's piggy bank
*Surrender/Trust
*If you wish to secure peace for yourself, start by championing it for others
*Do not take life's experiences too seriously
*Enter a contest-you may win!
*Make creativity a way of life
*Try not to do everything at once
*Get new underwear and socks on a regular basis
*Support your alma mater
*Stop holding your breath and begin breathing from your diaphragm
*Experience the fact that you are alive, a presence in the here and now
*Give someone a back rub
*Only love dispels hate
*Take the focus off yourself
*Life is positive; only your thinking is negative
*Put yourself in someone else's shoes
*Do not expect praise or reward
*Make two casseroles and bring one to a friend
*Work to music
*Improve your posture
*Fill out the "How was your service?" card
*Refuse to tell a lie, even a small one
*When you get home, kick off your shoes
*Smile at the person in the car next to you
*When you accept yourself just as you are, then you can change
*Get someone a welcome back present
*Use sunscreen
*Believe inner peace is possible

Here's just a few of my 8,879 bits of wisdom.
Ask me for more and I'll hook you up.

SONG OF THE WEEK
The Fray-How to Save a Life